BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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