Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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