Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
