Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
