meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you had me at cake vodka
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Randomize
