just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
