Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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