jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
