Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
why do cheetos always look like penises
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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