Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
