but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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