the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
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I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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