wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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