Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
