I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Farmville is her only friend.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
