Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
not ubering you a puppy
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
