I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
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We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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