sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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