I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
