Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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