totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
