You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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