Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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