this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
