Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
