She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
