Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
