if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
