last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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