Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
