Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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