He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
