So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
