So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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