You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
