I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
