can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
