I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We are all done wearing pants today
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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