Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
