guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
