And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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