Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
