You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
