It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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