I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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