She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
