I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
