Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
