Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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