Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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