APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
