i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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