Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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