This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
