Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
