He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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