At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize