We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
