How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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