The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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