Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
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Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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