I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
