You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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