3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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