sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
