How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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