just come out here and I will go home with you...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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